Going the Extra Kilometer

The American people, graciously, have an answer that’s been plaguing us for at least a month: Why is former Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chafee talking about running for president? What issue could be animating the former Republican and independent to run, as a Democrat, against the juggernaut of Hillary Clinton and the increasingly established ascendency of Bernie Sanders? What does he see, this hair-parted-right-down-the-middle visionary from the smallest state in the union? Thanks to his speech announcement his campaign yesterday, we finally know.

He wants to establish the metric system.

It’s incredible to have someone who understands the true issues of the day! Our savior!

And sure, maybe he was one of the only lawmakers in the country who was right about the Iraq War back when it happened, and sure, maybe he, as a Republican Senator, was the only member of his party to vote against the war authorization, and, okay, whatever, he’s mostly running so we don’t forget that Hillary Clinton voted to authorize the war, but come on people. Let’s focus on the issues that matter. Like the fact that he casually brought up the metric system.

Very important.

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